Growing out a buzz cut was never on my to do list, especially not during a pandemic.
In 2017, my wonderful hairdresser Chelsea suggested the best hair cut I’ve ever had. It made me feel better than I ever had before. The power of a really great haircut was astonishing. Saying that haircut changed my life is not an understatement.
A few short years (and some incredible input by Hannah from La Coupe Studio) showed a transformation that I could have never imagined. Never saw myself as a blonde, but genuinely loved every second of it. Not to mention all the opportunities it gave for experimenting with some very exciting colours.
Back to the point. In 2020, I lost my mum and shaved my head.
For anyone who missed it, I shaved my head to raise money for Mind and Tribal Project (a local addiction support charity). So many fabulous people helped me raise money. I will be forever grateful for all of those people and for being able to do something in a time where I felt so helpless.
Obviously I don’t regret raising money for two amazing charities, I’d do that again in a heart beat. The day to day process of growing out a buzz cut though, that would motivate me to run a marathon instead.
The very selfish downside – I have never felt less attractive or worse about myself. Growing out a buzz cut in a pandemic has proved a lot more difficult that I ever imagined. A mixture of grief, general pandemic sadness and a lack of effort in my appearance haven’t helped. If I had been able to get back to the hairdressers in the past year, I could be in a very different head space.
Self hatred has never been something I have nurtured. It isn’t something that ever seemed useful and I still feel that way. Self doubt has always been in my arsenal but I’ve realised in the past few months looking in the mirror has turned into a feeling very close to hatred.
Two very important points to make here. Sympathy is not what I’m looking for with this post. Acknowledging everything isn’t okay shouldn’t be the worst thing to do. I’m not anti super short hair. I think it looks amazing on plenty of other people. For me it just hasn’t feel good.
In the grand scheme of things I know this is a very first world problem. It also feels like a very important thing to recognise though and put some effort in to reframing.
It’s time to stop feeling sorry for myself and embrace what will only change with another six months at the very minimum. Although that could just another phase of awkward curls and helmet head. If you have any tips for styling an unruly mop please let me know!